You’ve opened a counselling website. Perhaps you’ve even clicked the booking button. Then a thought arrives: What would I actually say?
Maybe you’re pregnant and everyone keeps asking whether you’re excited, while you’re quietly feeling worried. Maybe you’ve had your baby and you love them, but you don’t quite recognise yourself. Or perhaps you’re a dad or partner who has been holding everything together and is only now noticing how much it has taken out of you.
It can be hard enough to name those feelings privately. Saying them to a counsellor you haven’t met may feel like an enormous step. You might worry that you’ll cry, go blank, be judged, or discover that what you’re experiencing somehow “isn’t enough” for counselling.
If that sounds familiar, you do not need to become less nervous before getting in touch. We can begin with the nerves.
Why can reaching out feel so difficult?
Pregnancy and parenthood come with a surprisingly narrow idea of how we are supposed to feel. We hear about love, gratitude and milestones. We hear less about fear, a difficult birth, changes in a relationship, or the strange feeling of being needed by everyone while losing sight of yourself.
That gap can make an ordinary sentence like “I’m finding this harder than I thought” feel risky. “What if somebody thinks I’m ungrateful?” or “What if they misunderstand?”.
These worries aren’t a failure to “open up”. Research into women’s experiences of seeking perinatal mental health support repeatedly identifies stigma, uncertainty about what is happening, and previous encounters with professionals as barriers. Practical issues, such as finding time or knowing where to go, matter too. These studies do not speak for every parent, but they help explain why wanting support and feeling ready to ask for it are different things. [1, 2]
Perhaps you’ve tried talking before and felt dismissed, or privacy at home is difficult. Perhaps focusing on yourself feels indulgent when everyone needs you. You can tell me that too.
“I don’t know what’s wrong.” That’s enough to begin.
You do not need a diagnosis, a neat timeline or a convincing explanation to start counselling.
You might say, “I feel on edge all the time.” Or, “My birth keeps coming back to me.” Or, “Things look fine from the outside, but I don’t feel like myself.” You might simply say, “I’m not sure where to start.”
I don't expect the story to be in the right order. We can start with what matters today and work out together what might be connected. Sometimes the first useful thing is discovering what you want from this space.
Perhaps you’ve been answering “I’m fine” for so long that another answer feels unfamiliar. You needn’t turn it into a polished account before we meet.
How do I get started?
My website sets out three simple steps:
- Book a free 15-minute consultation. We can talk briefly about what is going on, what you hope for, and any questions you have. You do not need to tell me your whole story or commit to counselling.
- Choose your support. If it feels right to continue, you can book a single session or a block of six at a discounted rate.
- Begin counselling at your own pace. We work together in a way that feels manageable and suited to you.
In your first full session, there is more time to talk about life now and what you hope might change. We can also cover confidentiality, the counselling agreement, fees, cancellations and any questions you have.
If something feels painful, such as a birth experience, a loss or an intrusive thought, you do not have to give every detail immediately. I need enough information to work safely and consider whether my service fits your needs, but we can discuss what feels manageable.
And yes, it is all right if you cry. It is also all right if you don’t. There is no expected counselling performance.
How will it feel to work with me?
I lead with three person-centred principles: empathy, trying to understand your experience from your point of view; congruence, being genuine and honest with you; and unconditional positive regard, treating you with care and respect without judging you for what you feel. I’m interested in what pregnancy or parenthood means for you. I’m not measuring you against an “ideal parent”. There is no perfect parent because perfect doesn’t exist.
I think the relationship between us matters. Feeling heard and able to say when something doesn’t fit gives us a better place to begin. Research on therapy supports paying attention to that working relationship, including women’s accounts of perinatal therapy. It cannot promise a particular outcome for you, but it reflects why I make room for your questions and feedback. [3, 4]
I won’t tell you how to parent. If advice from everyone around you is already loud enough, counselling can be somewhere to hear your own thoughts again.
What if I’m afraid you’ll judge me?
Some of the thoughts that can feel hardest to say aloud are particularly common around parenthood:
“I love my baby, but I miss my old life.”
“I’m scared about giving birth.”
“I thought I’d feel happier than this.”
“I’m angry, and then I feel guilty for being angry.”
“I’m a dad. Surely I should just cope.”
Having a difficult feeling does not tell the whole story of who you are or how you care for your child. My job is to understand your experience with you, not to grade it. I’ll also be honest if another type of support might help.
You can ask me directly: “What happens if I tell you something worrying?” It’s a good question. We can discuss confidentiality and its limits plainly, before you decide what you want to share.
What if online counselling feels awkward?
We meet by video, so you can join from somewhere private where you feel comfortable speaking. You don’t need a perfect room or special setup. You do need enough privacy to talk freely, and we can discuss beforehand what might work if childcare or interruptions are a concern.
At the start I’ll help us settle in and find a starting point. You can tell me if I’ve misunderstood you, if a question feels too soon, or if you need a slower pace. It is your time.
A few small steps if you’re considering counselling
You don’t have to decide on a course of therapy today. You could start with one of these:
- Write a one-sentence starting point. “I’ve been anxious since becoming pregnant” is enough. So is “I’m not sure why I’m here.”
- Note one question for me. You might ask about online sessions, how I work, confidentiality or what happens if the fit isn’t right.
- Think about privacy. Is there somewhere you could speak freely? If that is complicated, we can talk about it.
- Book the 15-minute consultation. Treat it as a conversation to help you decide, not an exam or a commitment to continue.
If counselling with me does not feel like the right fit, you are allowed to say so. If what you describe suggests that another service would meet your needs better, I would discuss that honestly with you. Finding suitable support matters more than trying to make every person fit one service.
You don’t have to wait until things are unbearable
Some people come to counselling because anxiety, low mood or a difficult experience is affecting everyday life. Others come because they sense something has changed and want room to understand it. Both are valid reasons to make contact. There is no minimum level of distress you have to prove to me.
If you need medical advice during pregnancy or after birth, please speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP. They can discuss NHS talking therapies and specialist perinatal support where appropriate. If you believe you or your baby is in immediate danger, call 999; private counselling appointments are not an emergency service. [5]
If you’re looking at the booking page and thinking, “I’m interested, but I’m nervous and I still don’t know exactly what I’d say,” that’s a perfectly good place to start.
You could tell me precisely that.
Terri Fowler
BACP Registered Counsellor | Parent Perspective
Ready to find out whether this feels right for you? Book a free 15-minute consultation. We can take the first conversation from there.
References and further reading
- Button, S., Thornton, A., Lee, S., Shakespeare, J. & Ayers, S. (2017). Seeking help for perinatal psychological distress: a meta-synthesis of women’s experiences. British Journal of General Practice, 67(663), e692–e699. doi:10.3399/bjgp17X692549.
- Sambrook Smith, M. et al. (2019). Barriers to accessing mental health services for women with perinatal mental illness: systematic review and meta-synthesis of qualitative studies in the UK. BMJ Open, 9, e024803. doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2018-024803.
- Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Wampold, B. E. & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: a meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316–340. doi:10.1037/pst0000172.
- O’Brien, J., Gregg, L. & Wittkowski, A. (2024). “Finding my voice again”: women’s experiences of psychological therapy in perinatal secondary care settings. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, 1240855. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1240855.
- NHS (2026). Find care for your mental health before, during and after pregnancy.
